Something that has annoyed me so much but made me discover the most amazing thing…
So, I’m not one to blog extensively about ‘life’ stuff, but this thing has been niggling at me recently and it is getting worse, but an amazing realisation has also overcome me. I think blogging is an amazing way to get stuff out, write things down, and express yourself, but obviously I’m pretty conscious because I know people who follow this page of mine are more than likely doing so to see music related things. So i’m sorry if you don’t want to read these kinds of things, but hopefully some of you guys can take something from it. Maybe.
This will be lengthy, but stick with me on this one, I promise!
Before I vent and try and explain what’s annoying me so much, I just want to say that of course we all look at blogs, websites, instagram accounts etc. and think ‘Wow. Their life is so awesome. Everything they post is so cool which means 100% of their life is the best ever!’ I’m a culprit. I do exactly the same thing when I’m aimlessly browsing the internet. BUT I’m also on the other side. I have an Instagram account where I post pictures, and of course I’ll only post good stuff, why would I post a photo where I look bad? Or A photo of me cooking? We all filter what we post and I think we should all bear that in mind before judging ourselves and not being grateful for our own wonderful lives!
That leads me onto part of my annoyance. I’ve noticed recently, that (not naming names, i’m not that cruel!) but people that I once called very close friends are trying so painfully (and embarrassingly!) hard to stay relevant, ‘cool’ and ‘desirable’ by using the internet. Posting heavily edited photos of all the MEGA FUN they’re having just to let you know that maybe they’re having a better time than you’ll ever be having. When we all know in reality that they’re only doing said activity purely to post the picture online, and then resort to spending the remainder of the day twiddling their thumbs waiting for the next Facebook notification so they can talk about the COOLEST TIME EVER with their ‘friends’.
The thing about this that annoys me most, is not that they’re posting what they’re doing online. I LOVE to see what my friends are doing. It’s the fact that its so painstakingly obvious that they’re not having a good time. They don’t love what they’re doing for the right reasons because if they did they wouldn’t be trying so hard to make sure everybody knows about it.
Next thing (this is all connected i swear. Stay with me!) is people’s incapability to accept they’ve made a massive mistake, accepted they’ve potentially ruined a lot of their opportunities and relationships. Ive seen it a lot recently. Someone’s made a mistake, and instead of feeling guilt and sympathy for the person or people they’ve hurt, their main priority is what they are going to be losing as a result of this. And they wonder why they feel so bad about what they ‘love’ doing all the time. (!?)
Ive seen people recently hurt someone and then put themselves first. Instead of trying to build bridges or maybe just completely stepping away, and having enough respect to realise it’s not their place anymore, they try to find different ways back in so that they are still connected to what they’ll be losing. Whether it’s suddenly being pally with people who do the job that you want, people who do what you do, people who have some kind of status, names that you can drop to make yourself seem important… It makes me feel stupid for once admiring these people that were manipulative, it makes me feel used and naive, but its made me a whole lot wiser.
It leads me back to social networking. Would these people who are trying to get to somewhere and don’t care who they’re hurting actually befriend these people if they worked in, lets say, Greggs? No, they’re befriending them because they are a stepping stone closer to what they want or where they want to be. Is this facebook status really what’s on their mind? No, they just want to still be relevant. Do they actually really love what they’re doing? No, they just want to be in on something and they’re worried their mistake is taking it away from them so they’re desperately trying to have their eggs in as many baskets as possible - Regardless of self respect or pride for their work. They’ll take whatever they can get.
For example, would someone who loves music and creating so much go online to post negative things about an artist and their work? No! They do it for the reaction. They know there’s at least one person who will agree and think they’re the coolest person ever.
I’m constantly making sure that of all the mistakes I make, I don’t put myself first and feel sorry for myself for feeling guilty, but feel sorry for the people I could potentially have hurt. And to see people I know not take their passion or the people around them seriously and fairly while accepting their punishment for what it is does make me wonder.. In the music industry it’s hard to stay focussed and I’ll admit that. For example I love fashion, I think it’s an incredible way to express yourself, and I just generally love putting colours, patterns, textures and shapes together. I love being creative! But I’m aware there is a fine line between loving fashion for those reasons, and just loving it so people can compliment you on how good you look. The same way that an artist loves the act of painful pleasure they get from painting some that means something to them more than the compliments they receive after. The same way there’s a fine line between a musician loving to play and craft words and melody purely because it makes their soul feel good, and just being fanned by endless people who worship you as a person, not for what you create.
It feels like I’m going nowhere here.. but what I’m trying to get across, really, is that people are constantly wondering why their dreams aren’t coming true, why its so hard to create what they want and I really believe it’s down to the reasons you’re doing it for. If you want to be a musician because you just want to be famous, then great! But don’t expect it to make you feel fulfilled, wholesome and happy.
Basically, loving what you do will make your dreams come true. I’ve realised this. If you’re complaining about how much you want to be a successful musician but it’s just not happening, your writing doesn’t seem to be going where you want and it’s frustrating you and you can’t stop thinking about what you get at the end of it then DING DONG you don’t love it. And it’s not going to happen.
If for example, your dream is to be, I don’t know, a painter, and you enjoy painting so much that you’d happily smash up your painting when you’re finished and not even show anybody then your dream has already come true. You can sit and paint all day long and no one will ever see your work but you don’t care, you’re a painter. You’re the happiest when you paint.
Same with music, if you can happily write a song that you loved writing, loved creating and loved singing but happily hide it away never to be heard and not feel like you’re wasting something, then you’ve succeeded.
I have hundreds of songs that no one knows about. Literally hundreds. I think some of them could do so well, but I don’t care. No amount of success, money or fans could match to how good I felt to just create it in the first place. And that’s why I’ve succeeded. My album could’ve charted at number 12456779935784 instead of number 2, and I’d still be happy as larry. Because I did it for how good it makes me feel to just be a creator.
I hope any of you guys who have trouble with your hopes and dreams can take something from this, and manage to step away from our ever towering and blurred expectations of ourselves given to us by the media to really appreciate what you do and why you love to do it. Love is the source of happiness, success and abundance and it’s something that’s become so fluorescent in my life.
Big love everyone x